More than half of Americans say that smartphones have made it harder to give others their undivided attention and impact their ability to focus optimally in various contexts. It seems these days, our phones are constantly vying for our attention and can easily and quickly pull our attention from whatever we are doing. Additionally, getting lost in an endless sea of scrolling and information is very easy. We've all been there. But our attention and time are precious and valuable resources we can never get back once spent, and our mental health and well-being deserve our attention.
Furthermore, more and more research is showing connections between reduced life satisfaction, depression, and anxiety and the amount of time we spend on our phones, and there are links between our screen time and dopamine. Researcher Dr. Lorenz says studies have shown screen time affects the frontal cortex of the brain, similar to the effect of cocaine.
“Screen use releases dopamine in the brain, which can negatively affect impulse control. Prolonged use of watching TV, video games, scrolling through social media – all of that use acts like a digital drug for our brain.” -Dr. Kathryn Lorenz, MD.
Try experimenting with some simple changes in your relation to your phone. While new habits may be uncomfortable initially, patience and consistency will likely prove beneficial in the long run. Here are some simple guidelines for how to break the phone addiction and use your phone wisely.
1. Turn off notifications for everything that is non-essential.
For example, on my phone, I only keep notifications on for phone calls and text messages. In fact, I prefer to not even to have Social Media apps on my phone, and I rarely even use social media -it's just too much information for me to process on a daily basis. You might be different, so you’ll have to decide for yourself where you draw the line. But you do need to draw a line somewhere. Go into your phone and experiment with turning off all notifications that are non-essential for you.
2. Define for yourself what you consider to be an important call or text.
What if you are waiting to hear back from someone who needs directions? What if your boss is planning to get back to you about an important project? What if the babysitter needs to be able to get in touch with you quickly? Think about the types of messages you would consider to be “important.” If your list is getting really long, zoom in on what’s “extremely important.” Before meeting up with others, use your list to determine how your phone will or will not be part of the interaction. If you’re expecting an important message, leave your phone on. If you’re not, turn your phone off or keep it in a separate location.
3. Decide what you will do when you keep your phone on.
There will be times–maybe many times–when you decide to keep your phone on. So what do you do then? Your underlying goal here will be to devote 100% of your attention to others when you are with them and 100% of your attention to your phone when you are with them. I have found the best way to do this is to excuse myself periodically, walk away, and look at my phone someplace private–like in the bathroom or outside.
Want to improve even faster? Ask your friends and family to help you. We are so used to pulling out our phones for just about everything–some estimates say we reach for our phones an average of 150 times per day. So we might not even notice when we do it. By asking others to keep you accountable, you may be able to build this skill more easily and quickly.
4. Decide what you will give your attention to.
So you’ve stepped away from others to check your phone. Maybe you see a text from your babysitter–your kiddo has a slight cough but nothing to worry about. Maybe your boss emailed you feedback on a project, but it doesn’t need to be reviewed until Monday. If this message is not important, don’t engage with it. If you do, your attention could get hijacked–not just in that moment, but for as long as it takes for your brain to refocus on what’s happening in front of you.
Instead of just reading or listening to every message right when you get it, ask yourself: “Is this message important enough that I’m willing to risk it ruining the next few minutes, or hours, or however long it’ll take me to focus again?” If so, then fine. We must decide what we will and will not allow in our lives. But if you do decide to read the message anyway, reflect on how it makes you feel during subsequent conversations. Are you having a hard time listening? Does your mind keep going back to the message? If so, your interactions will end up less satisfying for you and others. What might happen?
Following these guidelines can help you enjoy your social interactions more. And, as a pleasant side effect, you may notice that your efforts also start to have positive effects on others. These days, we tend to be accustomed to low-quality interactions, constantly interrupted by buzzes and people staring at screens while only half-listening to us. So when we give people our undivided attention, they appreciate it and engage more fully with us in return.
Remember - Your time and attention are precious resources you can't regain once spent. Could your phone be hijacking these resources? What matters most to you, and does this impact your well-being?
SOURCES:
Kushlev, K., Media technology and well-being: A complementarity-interference model, in Handbook of well-being, S.O. E. Diener, & L. Tay, Editor. 2018: Salt Lake City, UT.
Dwyer, R., K. Kushlev, and E. Dunn, Smartphone use undermines the enjoyment of face-to-face social interactions—Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 2017.